Can't Let Go
by Links6
Summary: Naruto is coping with the depression, but not in the way everyone expects him to... Chapter 2 up!   Dedicated to ChronoMitsurugi
1. Chapter 1: In the end

Dedicated to ChronoMitsurugi! Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews! They've truly inspired me! This if for you :D

Part 2 of Let Me Go... Takes place three weeks after the incident...

AN: The italic paragraphs are flashbacks.

* * *

_Can't let you go_

Sakura softly opened the door to Naruto's apartment. He didn't lock his doors anymore.

"I'm in here, if you're looking for me," Naruto said, his voice lowered, dark.

The pink-haired girl edged into the room, not bothering to shut the door behind her.

The kitchen was cleaned. No ramen bowls in the basin or drying-rack. Everything neatly laid out and in place. It was like he hadn't used it ...since...

As she entered Naruto's room, she noticed Naruto sitting at his desk. The pine desk was cleared of it's usual garbage, the little trinkets and momentos of previous missions were all removed from his room. She skimmed the room, wondering if maybe he had just moved them again, but they were all gone. Even Naruto's momento flyers of the Chunin results; the letters he had received from Iruka sensei, wishing him luck for his exams; the scratched headband of Sasuke. All of it, gone.

...

'_Can I ask you a question, Naruto?' the young woman asked, running a finger along Naruto's whiskered cheek. He giggled and wormed away from the ticklish action. He smiled._

_The sun was just below noon, but under the shade of the trees, it didn't matter. The grass was still cool from the misty rain they had yesterday and the breeze felt great. A lazy summer day. _

_'Sure, Kaede,' Naruto quickly said, internally wondering if his eagerness to answer her questions didn't tip off his feelings for her._

_'Why do people keep stuff... you know... like momento's and things from other people?' she asked._

'_Uh... I guess to... remember the time they had together?_' _Naruto answered, praying his answer was the right one to give._

_'That's weird... I think memories are better than a bunch of dusty items,' she said, shrugging._

_'You think so? ... I dunno, it's nice to have something that reminds you, that way... you never really forget,' Naruto said, unconciously lifting his hand to the headband he was wearing. It was once Sasuke's. _

_'Alright then... ' the young woman said, abruptly sitting up and leaning over towards Naruto. She smiled before leaning down, giving him a peck on the lips before sitting back._

_For a moment, Naruto's world was set on pause. He honestly didn't expect THAT to happen. _

_'I got this for you the other day... ' Kaede said, reaching into her pant's pocket and pulling out a necklace. 'It reminded me of you.'_

_The small spiral had spiked smoke quartz set into the silver. He pushed himself backwards, not sure how to react. He never received any gifts before... not from anyone... he wasn't even sure if he could reciprocate, 'I ... uh...' he stuttered, having a hard time to complete a sentence even in his head._

_'It nothing special... it's just a necklace... I didn't want it to be all girly, so I kept to the original black leather string,' she said, and smiled brightly._

_He finally tied the ends behind his neck, eyeing the item that seemed to blend in perfectly with his attire. 'Thank you... Kaede... It's great... I like it,' he said, making sure to choose his words carefully in her presence. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep the ring in his backpocket._

_..._

_Just two weeks ago_... three after _she _died_... _Sakura had visited Naruto. His kitchen was cleaned, the usual greasy ramen bowls in the sink were washed and left on the side to dry. The flickering kitchen light had been replaced. Even the floors were swept... only the waste bins were filled to the brim, a few empty ramen take-out boxes were balancing procariously on top of the pile ...

She had entered Naruto's room. The old momento's from his previous missions all stacked up on display on top of his bookshelf, no longer strewn haphazardly over his desk disguising the fact that there _was -_in fact- a desk. His bed was made, for once. His blinds were drawn open, the window allowing fresh air into the room. 'That's a good sign... he's doing better than last week', she had thought.

He had been sitting at his desk, reading an old copy of the one of the four Ninja Manuscripts that Jiraiya had given him. He had greeted her with a grin, "Hi, Sakura, I didn't think you'd be coming around?" he had said. His monotonous voice didn't portray his cheerful grin.

But, right now, Naruto was back at his desk again, a foot-high stack of paperwork next to him, all completed. It seemed he was working on the last few pages. The dark purple bruises underneath his eyes showed her just how tired he truely was. His forehead was creased in concentration. The corners of his mouth were no longer curved upward in a pre-emptive smile. His blue eyes looked diluted, as if it had been washed out. "I still have four more pages, Sakura. I'll give this to Grandma Tsunade once I'm done," Naruto said before Sakura could ask, not looking up from his writing.

"Um... Naruto, I thought you're doing... _Jonin_ filing... this... isn't it," Sakura said, cautiously grabbing one of the pages, skimming over it.

"I finished them already... These are the Genin and Chunin outstanding results from last week's examination," Naruto explained, slipping the paper out of Sakura's hand and back, neatly stacked, on top of the pile. "I hope you don't mind, I don't want to have to sort them out again."

She frowned for a second before forcing a smile to her face. _Remember to be nice. _"So, how are you doing, Naruto?" she asked, her voice sounding more confident than she felt.

"I'm fine," Naruto said, stacking another paper on top of the pile, "How are you?"

Sakura swallowed dryly, she never known Naruto to be so formal. "Great... we're celebrating Tsunade's birthday next week so we're planning on throwing a surprise party for her," she said, trying to cheer him up. But, no matter what she told herself, she couldn't say that she missed the pain flashing in his eyes as she mentioned a celebration. What would be worth celebrating if the one person you would want to share it with was no longer there?

"I have work to do," Naruto reminded her, adding the last page to the pile. "But thanks for dropping by."

The young woman watched silently as Naruto slowly stood, picked up the stack of papers and walked out of his apartment.

...

_'Are you kidding me? I don't like parties!' the young woman said, lying down on the branch of the tree. Naruto sat at the bottom, looking up at her. She still had her black nin-gear on from her previous mission, only her navy headband stood out. 'Besides, I think it's stupid to have a birthday party.'_

_Naruto blinked, 'It's not stupid! What's wrong with celebrating that? It's celebrating the day you were born... so you know we care about you,' Naruto said, his voice lowering at the last addition, a pink tint appearing on his ears._

_She propped up her elbow, resting her chin lazily in her palm, 'Are you blushing?' she teased._

_'No!' Naruto said, grabbing his ears instinctively. _

_She smiled. 'I still don't like it' she assured him, even though, three days later they were all at said party... it turned out that she did, after all, have a good time... especially with him there._

Naruto made his way down to Tsunade's office. No-one expected him to greet them anymore, and they stopped trying to acknowledge him as well. In the past month, he had just turned into a shell. Any duties he was given, he completed. Any mission he was sent on, he went. No more complaints, no more fussing. He just accepted it all and carried on.

He smiled when someone spoke to him just to seem 'normal'.

He still went to Ichiraku's ramen bar on the weekends.

He still breathed.

"I have the files you were looking for," Naruto said, walking into Tsunade's office, setting the files down on the corner of her desk.

The older woman stood, her blonde hair falling in her eyes as she bowed her head, "I don't know how many more times I can say that I'm sorry, Naruto... I'm sorry," she repeated, one of a thousand times.

"It's not your fault," Naruto said distractedly, patting the unevened papers back into a square shape.

...

_'Hey, Naruto... I'm going on a mission tomorrow,' Kaede said, sitting on the windowsill of Naruto's room. _

_Naruto grinned, 'Going to ambush some spies for the Akatsuki?' he said, taking a bite out of the take-__out ramen. He was slightly disappointed at her words, he actually planned to give her the ring tomorrow night... it was their first-date anniversary afterall... he was still surprised he could remember that... The thoughts were sent back down to reality when a sudden sneeze ripped through his system._

_He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, still slightly feverish from the cold he caught from walking her home in the rain the night before._

_'A D-rank delivery mission, can you ...believe it?' she said, waiting for a moment until he finally caught the inside joke, laughing happily. _

_'How does that work? You're a specialized Jonin, right?' Naruto said, feeling slightly jealous of her in that respect. He still had a week to go before his team's exam came around. He took another bite of the ramen, sighing contently._

_'The hokage decides whom goes on what mission...' she said, getting up from the windowsill and heading to the kitchen. 'But sending two jonin, to deliver some mid-level jutsu scrolls to Sunagakure, is going overboard.'_

_'Maybe she thinks you'll get lost again!' Naruto joked, almost choking on his ramen when she threw him with a random shirt he'd left on his desk. It missed him by an inch, but by her grin, he wasn't sure anymore that she was a lousy aimer._

_'Bite me,' she said sarcastically, opening the medicine cabinet of the kitchen, 'I've got some herbs to get the fever down and get rid of that headache.'_

_'How'd you know I have a -' Naruto started, self-conciously grabbing the sides of his head protectively. He didn't want her to see him like this at all, not to mention when he's trying so damned hard to look as normal as possible._

_'I have secret powers...' she said, wriggling her fingers at him like a spider before finishing off with an evil chuckle. 'Now ~ finish that ramen, I can't give you this stuff on an empty stomach.' _

_The thought had hit her though, with Naruto, that wouldn't make a difference. He can always go for seconds, and thirds..._

_'Thanks for taking care of me,' Naruto said sweetly, his big blue eyes shimmering with adoration._

_After pouring a cup of the tea, she walked back to him, sitting on the bed. She plunked the cup down on the bedside table, smiling brightly at him. 'I'm not done yet... you're still...' she held her one hand to her forehead and the other to his, comparing their tempretures. But, she didn't miss the blush creeping on to his cheeks, '...yep, still sick.'_

_He gulped as she took the empty ramen bowl on his hands and set it down on bedside table, exchanging it for the cup. Kaede handed him the cup of tea, making sure he was holding it steady before letting go of his hands, 'T-thanks' he squeaked out, earning a mental slap from his manly ego. But, when her dark grey eyes met his... he just didn't care about that anymore. She was smiling like that ... for him._

_..._

Naruto stood still for a moment, waiting for Tsunade to scream at him like last time. To have her scream at him for not letting go of Kaede and move on. To yell at him to move on without... _her_. But, nothing came. He didn't know how to say it... how can anyone understand when you say you can't let go? What would make them understand? In a morbid sense, he felt grateful for his childhood... it made ridicule extremely easy to take.

_Tsunade didn't have to stand by Kaede's bedside. Looking down to her frail, broken form. Her self-confident smile pulled taut, trying her best to keep herself together for the one man she truly loved. No-one else had to hold her hand, lying blatantly to her for the first time as he tells her that she'll be alright... no-one else had to watch the light leave her grey eyes, leaving them lusterless and ... lifeless. _

"Do you have anything else for me to do?" he finally asked, his annoyance level shooting up.

"No... thank you, Naruto," Tsunade finally said, her voice sounding strained. She sat back down, her eyes downcast as Naruto left the Hokage office.

He walked down the road again, intending to do some training drills outside later the day, but currently, he just wanted to go home.

"Naruto-sensei!" a young boy came running up to him, grinning brightly, "How'd we do last week?".

Naruto plastered a smile on his face, "I can't tell you that.. just because the results are late this year, doesn't mean you can have a sneak peak!" he said, forcing his voice to sound carefree.

The young boy eyed Naruto for a second with a wary look before looking down, "Alright..." he muttered and turned around, looking back up to the group standing near the flower shop, "Hey guys! Naruto-sensei says we still have to wait!".

The collective repulsed, dissapointed whining didn't help the older man. He squared up his shoulders in an attempt to create a barrier. But it wasn't working. It still felt like they hated him. Were dissapointed in him. Were let down by him... just like he let her down...

...

_'You're Naruto, right?' a young woman asked with a self-confident smile, looking to the occupant of the bar stool next to her at Ichiraku's bar. 'I'm right, aren't I?'_

_He looked over, ramen still dangling out of his mouth. He slurped them up and burped contently before answering, 'Yeah, that's me... How'd you know?'._

_'Iruka-sensei talks about you all the time,' she said, smiling, 'He wasn't kidding... you are a ramen-freak.'_

_'Shut up! I'm not!' Naruto suddenly yelled, slamming his hands on the table, completely ignoring every word except the last of hers. The passersby stopped, staring at the bar curiously. _

_'You are -geez, you've got like six bowls -' the young woman started, but Naruto had already taken off, running towards the gates of Konoha. _

_She quirked an eyebrow in confusion and covered both their bills before excusing herself. The young woman took her time to head out of Konohagakure, knowing that she wouldn't be able to catch him even if she tried. She trusts Iruka and knows not to take his words lightly. Fact is, if Iruka-sensei is right, Naruto was one of the fastest ninja's in the village. After Jiraya's training with him, the boy had come back as a fully fledged man, capable of anything he set his mind to. _

_It didn't occur to her until after Naruto's outburst at Ichiraku's bar why Naruto had reacted the way he did. It didn't occur to her that the demon sealed within him was the source of a very lonely and painfully isolated childhood. It didn't bother her at all. She just wanted to have a conversation with him, to see why Iruka always made such a fuss over him._

_'Naruto... I'm sorry for what I said...' she said, stopping underneath an apple tree deep in the forest. _

_'No you're not,' Naruto countered easily. She was pretty sure that he had had this conversation many times before._

_She shrugged, 'I am,' she sighed, looking up. She found his eyes easily, without having to search for them. He was sitting in the heighest part of the tree, eyeing her suspiciously. 'You think I'd bother coming after you if I didn't?'_

_'I don't know you, so yeah, you might,' Naruto snapped, the caution he'd leant in his time with Jiraya still hadn't worked out of his system. _

_'I'm Kaede, I was a student with Iruka-sensei a few years ago... I just moved back from Sunagakure a days ago,' she said, introducing herself with an exaggerated curtsey. _

_'Iruka-sensei?' Naruto repeated, jumping down._

_'Yeah... he was the Jonin in charge of our team... he was tough, but he really did care about us,' Kaede said, smiling fondly at the memory._

_Naruto perked up at that. 'Hey~ I'm sorry about earlier... I-' he started, pausing when he realized what direction the conversation had taken._

_She held up a hand and shook her head, 'Don't worry about it, I don't need to know,' she assured._

_He couldn't help but frown. He knew that she'd eventually find out about him... the truth... he figured that Iruka would've told her that it was the Nine-tailed fox that killed his parents, so, if she idolized Iruka, then she'd hate him... he didn't know how to get around that. _

_Kaede stood still, watching as Naruto's shoulders hunched up protectively, screwing his eyes shut as if he was witnessing some terrible crime. His breathing had sped up, his fists were clenched. So, she took the initiative. She never was one to hold a grudge or even worry about the past, and Naruto was no exception. She pinched his whiskered cheeks and grinned as his blue eyes met her grey, 'Awww... you're so cute! Smile for me!'_

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please leave me a message or review if you liked it!


	2. Chapter 2 :When we met

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything related to Naruto... at all.. this is purely fanfiction!

Alright... this is like the beginning... to Let me Go and Can't Let Go... I actually didn't realize the similarity between the titles until now xP

This is the more fluffy side to the relationship...

* * *

**When we met...**

* * *

"Kaede, you're blushing," Naruto teased, poking the young girl's cheek to prove a point.

She looked up, a slight surprised, slight annoyed look on her face, "I've been training in the sun all day, Naruto... it's called sunburn," she countered.

"You don't have to pretend!" Naruto continued, unpertrubed.

The brown-haired girl stared at him in disbelief before shrugging her shoulders, "Meh, believe what you want," she said, her focus being drawn back to her copy of chakra control systems.

The young man sitting next to her at the library desk blushed, forcing his attention back to the scrolls in front of him.

* * *

...

"... What is it, Naruto?" Kaede asked, shocking the blonde who had entered her room as silently as he could.

He stood in silent shock. He couldn't remember, for the life of him, what he'd walked halway across Konohagakura to tell her.

"I'm kinda busy right now, Naruto... you can stay if you want... " she said, her voice still sounding distracted.

The young man looked around for a seat, finally taking one on the floor. "Thank you," he muttered.

Her attention drifted as his voice came from a direction she hadn't expected, she swiveled her chair around to face him, "You can have a seat on the futon, you know?".

His blue eyes darted in the aforementioned direction, blushing after a moment.

"It's great, you can fold it up to convert it to a couch," she instructed, getting up and folding it up for him. She smiled obliviously.

* * *

...

"Naruto, why don't you just go over there?"

Kaede was met by a pair of confused blue orbs, "Eh?"

She sighed and waved her hand dismissively as she returned her focus to her training drills, "... Nothing".

"... No, sorry, what did you say?" Naruto insisted, his curiousity piqued.

"I said, you should talk to Sakura... tell her how you feel," the young woman said, her mouth pulling taut as she finished the sentence.

Naruto shook his head wildly, "No! It's not like that... well at first, yes... Sakura didn't notice me, so I would -"and from there, Naruto explained his entire Sakura-related history to Kaede.

By now, she had stopped her shadow-boxing, listening to him intently, "That's nice and all... but you're not helping yourself by just talking about it," she reasoned calmly, clenching her fists to stop her hands from shaking. She would die before admitting what she _knew _she was feeling at that exact moment.

"I don't... ugh!" Naruto growled loudly, throwing his hands up in exhasperation, "Well, if you're such an _expert _why don't I ever see you doing the same?"

"You want me to do that right now?" Kaede asked, deadpanned.

"Yes! You're so-" Naruto started, but was caught off-guard when she stepped closer to him, invading his personal space.

"_I like you_," Kaede said, her eyes softening and a smile tugging at her lips. "You know that, right?"

Without another word, the girl just turned around, headed back to her previous spot and continued her training.

* * *

...

"Give up!" she yelled, her usual calm demeanour thrown out the door. She had him pinned down, one arm on his neck, the other fist raised and ready to strike.

"No way in hell!" Naruto yelled right back, grabbing hold of the hand on his neck. He used his leg and other arm to push off from the ground, rolling the pair of them over. He had her pinned now, holding her one hand to her collarbone, the other arm pinned down by her elbow to the ground. "Now... _you _give up, there's no way you can beat me now"

Kaede went silent. She was considering her options. There were a few, but only two of them were viable. Give up... or toss them down a rocky hillside. She didn't look forward to being scraped and bruised by a bunch of inanimate rocks... but losing wasn't an option.

"If I can't beat you..." she started, making sure to lean back further into the ground, effectively leading him to thinking she's surrendering, "Then... I'll just have to take you down with me!".

With that, she grabbed hold of his orange jacket, forcing herself up as she pushed him to the side, not letting go as they first slid, then rolled down the slope.

When they finally reached the bottom, the echo still carrying some of Naruto's more impressive profanities, they were both sprawled out on the grass.

"You know... I'm impressed... that last punch really hurt," she said, her right cheek swollen and bruised. The punch had delivered quite an impressive shiner, it was already turning purple.

Naruto, holding his jaw carfully as he sat up, looked at her with a shocked expression, "What? ...". The young man crawled a bit closer, his eyes shining with worry. He honestly didn't think that he was hitting her _that _hard. A mirage of depressing thoughts ran through his mind, only adding to the sudden insecurity he felt.

But, instead of the reaction that he had expected... Kaede sat up, a full blown cheery grin resting on her lips, "That was awesome!". She stood up and held out her hand towards him, "Round two!"

* * *

...

She walked into the gates of Konoha, holding her chest.

Once at the medical, she was admitted, scheduled for surgury an hour later.

"Kaede!" Naruto yelled, rushing into the room only a few minutes later.

But, once he spotted her, he stopped dead in his tracks.

There she sat, blood splattered unto her pale skin, her eyes half-closed from exhaustion and her cheeks drained of its normal rosy tint.

"Ka... Kae..." Naruto stuttered, taking a few tentative steps forwards, his mind struggling to maintain his denial.

"Hey, I guess you heard our mission went a bit south ... " she said, irritably scratching behind her ear for a moment. She hated it when she failed.

His hands hovered uselessly, "Who hurt you?" he finally snapped, resting his hands on her shoulders, glaring at her.

She tilted her head, eyeing him strangely for a moment before looking down, "Oh... this? This isn't my blood, Naruto," she explained, pulling back her one blood-stained sleeve to show a completely uninjured arm.

Naruto dropped his head down, his arms shaking desperately, "You had me so worried..." he muttered, sighing before pulling her forwards into a bear-hug.

"Hmm... uh, Naruto," she quickly said, tapping him on the arm until he lessened his grip, "Not so hard, I have a few broken ribs."

The young man didn't let go as he apologized, "Sorry... I'm glad you're back," he muttered into her hair.

"...Thanks..."

* * *

...

"Hey, Naruto?" Kaede said, turning to face him halfway through the movie.

"Hmm?" Naruto murmured, his focus glued still to the TV as he stuffed his mouth popcorn.

"I love you," she said, smiling as she turned back to watch the movie.

"I love you too," Naruto replied automatically. She glanced at him and bit her lip excitedly, carrying on munching on her popcorn non-chalantly, the grin still tugging at her lips.

They sat in silence, watching the movie as it went by. That is, until a few minutes later, the popcorn bucket was sent flying as Naruto shot up from his sitting position, "YOU WHA?"


End file.
